The Story Behind Gather & Tell

Story-led weddings: why “Gather & Tell”?

Some years back, I was sitting at a family friend’s wedding ceremony, genuinely confused. I’d known these two for years. They were a modern couple who were relaxed, fun, an full of life. They had a large, eclectic group of friends. The life they were building as a couple was a beautiful mix of cultures, languages and senses of humour. I never laugh as hard as when I’m with them. But at the moment, I was bored.

The wedding ceremony was drolly following all of the traditional beats, and they felt entirely wrong. The officiant got the bride’s name wrong. Three times. As in, he somehow managed to say a different incorrect name each time. Their vows had the words ‘thy’ and ‘thee’ in them, and the readings painted a picture of marriage that didn’t reflect their values. And guests left without hearing about one of the aspects of their story that I love most, the way they met on a train journey when he had been sitting in her reserved seat. It felt like I’d been to some strangers’ wedding.

Years later, when I asked them about it, they said that they just didn’t have anyone in their life offering them an alternative to a traditional wedding ceremony. At one point, they had some ideas about how to make their wedding ceremony a more authentic celebration of their relationship, and do more to make it feel more like them. But their officiant wasn’t interested in hearing those ideas. And they’d gone down like a lead balloon with their parents. They’d been told that weddings aren’t about telling your story, they’re about solemnly enacting timeless tradition.

They’d gathered their people, but they didn’t get to tell their story.

The power of an authentic wedding ceremony

I suspect a lot of engaged couples find themselves in a similar position. Somewhere in the mix of “shoulds” and standard traditions, their wedding becomes more full of compromise and less full of intention. And couples that want their wedding ceremony to be more than just the formal bit before the party deserve better.

I started Gather & Tell Celebrations because I think authenticity looks good on you. And there’s something really special about showing up to your wedding or elopement knowing that you’re day is going to be a genuine reflection of you, your values, your hopes, your sense of humour, your cultures… all the things that make you, you.

Personalised moments: traditions and rituals that make sense

Some of how I work with couples to accomplish that is about how the ceremony runs as a whole. But it’s also in the detail. So we start by putting everything on the table. All the traditions and things we think of when we think of a wedding. All the things you’ve been inspired by, and the things that you are curious about incorporating. And then we look at what to keep, what to adjust, what to ditch, and what to create from scratch.

For example, the tradition of being walked down the aisle might not be right for your for lots of reasons. Why not consider walking in together, hand in hand? Or if being the centre of attention is what’s putting you off that tradition, what if you’re already there and your guests come to you instead? My friend’s wedding showed me that there’s no point doing things “the way they’ve always been done” just to keep the peace, at the expense of your own ability to show up authentically.

Another example is in the wedding ceremony rituals. One of the great things about a celebrant-led wedding is that there are (almost) no rules about what you can include. For example, handfastings are a beautiful visual representation of what it means to tie the knot, and I love the idea of getting as creative as possible with it by incorporating fabric with colours that have meaning or using items in the cord that represent the life you’re building together. One couple I know did a sand-mixing ceremony. They each poured different coloured sand into a shared container, representing their lives coming together and a love that cannot be separated. It was visually lovely, b,ut they told me afterwards that it hadn’t really meant much to them. Their officiant had suggested they do it, and they went with it because it was the only option for a symbolic ritual they were offered. They didn’t even take the mixed sand home with them after the ceremony, because, although the ritual was full of symbolism, it didn’t reflect something that felt true to them. Stay tuned for more about this couple… I’ll be sharing some of their reflections on what they would have done differently if they’d had a celebrant-led wedding here on my blog and over on my Instagram page.

Weddings in Bristol and beyond

So that’s led me to where I am now. Working with couples to unpick what would make hem feel like their most true, intentional selves as they plan their wedding ceremonies, and helping them bring that vision to life. In my previous jobs, I’ve been really lucky to work on issues that have an impact on millions of people. I’m excited about my role as a celebrant, making the most difference for two gorgeous people at a time.

Thanks for being here. I hope you’ll subscribe to follow along for more of my reflections on creating authentic, intentional weddings for couples in Bristol, London and wherever else their love stories take me.